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Avoiding the Communication Train Wreck

Ever been misunderstood when you’ve tried to express yourself?  It’s hard for us to get how others miss the meaning behind what we say, but it happens all the time.  We hear what we THINK we hear, and what we WANT to hear, but not necessarily what had ACTUALLY been said.  Everything is filtered through the clutter in our brain, affected by stress-filled days, crying children, crazy traffic, impatient (clerks/drivers/coworkers – just fill in the blank), unreasonable requests from the boss, and our own random thoughts, feelings, impressions, desires and beliefs.  And physical ailments.  Can’t forget those.

It’s a wonder anyone ever communicates anything in the way it was intended.  Communication between people tends to fail the more all that stuff listed above happens, and it’s up to us to take a deep breath and stop the runaway train.  At least we can get a clearer understanding of how a discussion can go so wrong so fast, and try to prevent it.  Slowing that communication train down before a crash makes sense, and there is much less wreckage to clean up.

Here are just a few tips on good, healthy communication, so c’mon aboard!

* When talking with someone, use “I” statements to describe how you feel or what you think
* Listen more than you talk.  Try to understand what is really being said – its often a different message than what is coming out
* Stay respectful no matter what – don’t let others hijack your good sense of who you are
* Be patient with the person with whom you are speaking, and be patient with the process of the discussion
* Stay focused with clear, short messages, avoiding the lecture
* Dialogue back and fourth, really listening and not just thinking about how you are going to respond
* Put yourself in their shoes to see how they see the situation
* If someone verbally attacks you, take a deep breath and don’t get defensive.  Try to understand their perspective, putting yourself in their shoes
* Say what you mean, and mean what you say
* Be slow to get offended, and quick to seek to understand
* Sometimes body language, tone, facial expression say more of what you mean the words themselves
* Never assume someone meant something that you did not understand – always ask for clarification
* Speak with positive energy, self-assurance and the desire to connect
Most of all, work with others through your daily routines.  We never know when someone got bad news, when understanding would change their day, when clarity and care make a potentially disastrous situation one of understanding and appreciation.  Be that train, the train that helps relationships stay on the tracks.

A Community Garden

Trinity Lakewood Community Outreach’s (TLCO) Garden of Peace and Plenty is in its second year.  Many, many people came on an April Sunday afternoon and cleared away winter debris and spaded in the rye grass.  Now lettuces, radishes, broccoli, and Swiss chard are planted.  We are excited about getting early crops in.  Last year 1300# of organic produce was used in our Community Meals or given away to our meal guests.
Katie Stadler is the energy behind the garden idea.  The front lawn of Trinity Church was postage stamp sized and local residents and dogs visited.  Grass mowing and picking up of ornamental pears and crabapples was its fate.  Then, Katie dreamed.
Now there are more than 12 people at garden meetings and we collaborate with Thriven Financial, the Northern Ohio Returned Volunteers Association (of the Peace Corps) (NORVA), LEAF, and 3rd Saturday Hot Meal providers.  Only two weeks ago a water capturing system was installed and with the great rain over the weekend, our cistern is full!
What a difference a year and some dreams make!  The rest of the grass in the front of Trinity Church, 16400 Detroit, will be removed and more veggies and herbs planted.  In the future classes on cooking and organic foods are planned.   A grant for a seed exchange was received in kind with seeds and leftover seeds were offered to Community Meal guests and to the Lakewood Christian Se5rvice Center.
NORVA was approached to fund lumber for trellises and benches.  That request was approved recently.  3rd Saturday Hot Meal folks initiated a fundraiser for the meals’ program and Soul Food was born.  Held at Local Girl Gallery, the fundraiser was a smash!  Some of the 3rd Saturday Hot Meal folks also volunteer in the garden.  Such wonderful relationships are being made and new friends are everywhere.
The front lawn is gone.  So are the dogs.  But, growing there now are friendships, local organic veggies and herbs, and memories!  Watch for a Garden Party sometime soon.
TLCO is in formation, too.  This is an outreach arm of Trinity Lutheran Church that simply put is geared toward neighbors and the betterment of life for all.  TLCO will also sponsor a Backpack Project this summer.  Watch for details soon.  If you know of a grantor that would assist in providing backpacks or school supplies, TLCO has the volunteers to organize and transport such to needy children right here in Lakewood.
Contact: Paula Maeder Connor at paula_wow@yahoo.com or 226-8087.  See also http://www.trinitylakewood.org